What is a “Purpose Driven Life”

One of the most popular books when I was a born-again Christian was ‘A Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. This book was about finding out what your purpose is and living your life to fulfill that purpose. I was seventeen years old when the book came out, fully dedicated to all things Christianity and all I wanted to do was live a “purpose driven life”. I remember ministers preaching sermons about purpose for years after that, but what I don’t remember is a step by step process about how to find that purpose. I agonized, for years, trying to decide what it was, the thing I was here for, the thing that would define and explain my existence. What was that special assignment that God created me for? I watched as some of my friends seemed to have it, they were either going to be ministers or doctors, they just seemed to know what their purpose was. But, me, I just didn’t know how to choose a thing and the voice of God wasn’t clear enough. 

When I look back at that seventeen year old now I wish she could have just been a young teenager and worry about the random shit that teenagers worry about. Church made me take life so seriously that I had no room to play and discover what it feels like to be a child. I was adultified as soon as I “accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior” at fourteen years old and that adultification meant that I had to have my shit together. That’s why “A Purpose Driven Life” left me feeling the pressure to know, to be decisive and to live in that decision for the rest of my life. My purpose was going to be my life’s anchor, something outside of me that would give my life meaning. I had this aching feeling everytime someone preached about the purpose that I was doing something wrong, I was somehow wasting time in my life by not knowing what my purpose was. 

I am now thirty-eight years old and I still don’t have it. I don’t know what my purpose is, especially in the way that Rick Warren’s book encourages us to know it. I have lived what feels like a thousand life times and each life I did things that felt right at the time. And, this is what I learned about purpose:

1. It’s not a “what” thing but rather a “who” thing

I believe that my truest purpose is to be HERE. To live this life in the most expansive and revolutionary way possible. I am here to be ME. To be expressive, and ALIVE. My purpose is not to DO but to BE. For me, that looks like a perfect mess. It looks like leaning into all that being a human being encompasses. The ups and downs, the confusion and the clarity, the assurance and the doubt….all of it, existing, reminding me of how human I am. 

2. It’s knowing what sets my soul on fire

This is not the process of figuring out, it is the process of KNOWING. I remember my very first discovery call with a coaching client like it was yesterday. I felt like this is it, this is what sets my soul on fire. Talking to people, helping them discover who they want to be and helping them become that person. I also remember the first time I put on gloves and punched pads doing Muay Thai. I felt like this is it, this is the thing that set my soul on fire. The sounds of leather on leather, my sweat and the kicks, I love it. I also remember my first international flight, I watched as the plane crossed over the clouds, walked around the airport in Hong Kong pinching myself and finally landed in South Korea. This was it, travel, the thing that set my soul on fire. It doesn’t have to be one thing, our souls are as big as the universe and can be set on fire by many things. 

3. What are you in service of?

In addition to being HERE, I believe that what I do for humanity and the ways I serve is my purpose. For me, that is as simple as how I make people feel in my presence. I have done philanthropy work, and it felt good to serve at that level, but now, it is about the energy I give vs the monetary value I receive. I am more aware of our connection to each other, and the tender ways we need to be with each other. So, what and who do you serve?

Finding out and living out your purpose can be daunting if you make it this abstract, mega, existential experience. The beauty of this life is the day to day stuff that we do, and the magical moments in between. It is how a friend’s face glows when they talk about you, or how a stranger’s day is made because you offered them a smile on a difficult day, that is purpose. May you find yours with yours with EASE and GRACE.